Recently my husband encouraged me to start a blog for a few different reasons. One of them as a way to journal this new health "trial" we are facing. I use the word trial loosely as already there are numerous blessings He has shown to us through these past several months.
Many kind friends frequently ask how I'm doing and "just what exactly is wrong with you this time?" :) For those of you who know me well at all, this is a very legitimate question. Much of my life it seems I've been waiting to get past a current health issue so that "normal" life can resume. At age 31, The Lord has finally taught me not to wait for "normal", but take however I am doing and make my life and those that I affect as normal for us as it can be. My first post will be a bit lengthy as I am going to attempt to recap the last several months and also give myself points of reference to fall back on for future posts. Please feel free to skim as much as you want or just scroll to the end to see how things are turning out! :)
During the Holidays this past year I noticed pain developing in my legs. It generally was in the evenings after hectic days. It wasn't so much pain at that point, but just an uncomfortable feeling up and down both legs. At the time I thought my clots had returned. (I had been diagnosed with bilateral DVT's in October 2007 - the 27th week of my last pregnancy. They were numerous and moved up into my pelvis. It made for an interesting 3rd trimester! I was cleared of them in April and 8 months later with my legs feeling similar as when I started having clots, I just assumed they were back.) After the holidays we are usually looking forward to our annual trip to Indiana to visit both sets of grandparents. This year was the same and I put off going to the dr.'s as I didn't want to spoil the trip by being hospitalized again. Not one of the smartest things I've done. By the time we returned in mid January the pain was getting so severe that off we went to the dr.'s for what I sure was to be the diagnosis of blood clots. I was wrong. They tested and retested, but no clots. My first thought was, "Praise the Lord!" followed closely by, "but what is wrong?" After $60,000 of testing, some lengthy hospital stays, and several specialists -- the diagnosis came in late February -- Lupus. Part of me was relieved to finally know what was wrong as the pain was now so constant and only the morphine at the hospital took the edge off. My mom was staying with us for weeks at a time, and my Aunt from N.Y. was coming to help as much as she was able. My husband was stretched so thin and his very close walk with the Lord was what was sustaining him. We went home from the hospital that night with a prescription for a drug used to treat malaria that sometimes seems to help with lupus (although the dr.'s don't know why). I would be on this for life. Also, I was on steroids and very strong pain killers that no longer helped at all and was told to begin physical therapy. Paul immediately went into "attack mode" to help us fight this. He went on line and found out all he could about my type of lupus and started praying about treatments. The Lord led him to seek the advice of a natural doctor that had helped me carry my son to full term when I had miscarried my 3 earlier babies. He started making plans and praying down the finances to take me to this dr. who lives in Indiana. He does not accept our insurance, so not only was it travel expenses, but what was to become daily visits with the dr. that usually lasted from 3-6 hours. In the 4 weeks we were there, I only missed 1 business day at his office. When we arrived, I was basically in a wheel chair for any distance longer than from my bed to the couch. My organs were shutting down and in my heart I knew things were getting very bad very quickly. This was confirmed when the first time the doctor started treating me he said, "I am going to save your life!" Praise the Lord for a saved man who God has given great wisdom in the field of health. After a month I was off all my medication (that was in the first week), walking better -- walking period! I won't go into all that we're doing right now, but it has been a dramatic life style change. I am supposed to be going back to Indiana monthly for a week at a time to continue treatments. I missed 1 month and suffered set backs for it, so we're trying to stay on schedule with that.
Where am I at now?
The dr. said it will be a year before we know where I'm at and what my new best will be. For now I am:
* walking fairly well most days and am only "holding the walls up" in the evenings or when I've done too much. - A mother of 3 small children?!? Sitting in a recliner and sipping tea all day isn't going to happen!
* still in pain all the time, at times it's pretty severe. It now affects my hands and arms the same as my legs.
* off all meds and anything resembling medication! :)
* learning to eat very different (something I was long overdue in learning!) and not eating for lengthy periods of time.
* loving my husband more deeply each day and thrilling everyday to be close to my children. So many women would LOVE the opportunity to be at home with their families, and I have the privilege of doing it every day! -- I mean EVERY day! ;)
* learning to trust the Lord in ways I've never had to before and learning so much more that all I need to know is that He knows and is in control.
* overwhelmed by all the love, the support, and prayers of family, our church, and friends. I am truly incredibly blessed.
* waiting on the Lord to see what His plan is for myself, Paul and our children. The other health issues are better, still 1 nagging organ trouble, and now am facing the lupus. Lupus I have learned is very individualized -- there's no text book on what to expect or how fast it will progress.
For those of you who have asked how you can pray-
* That the Lord will continue to give strength to my husband. Anyone who is blessed to know him even a little, understands what a truly great man he is. He loves the Lord, his wife, his children, and church with all his heart. He is needed in many places often at the same time and needs strength only God can give.
* That our church will continue to grow and only become stronger through this time. They have been amazing and very supportive, yet we're always on the guard for satan's attacks. (Yes I know his name is supposed to be capitalized, but I just can never seem to do that. It seems respectful and he deserves none of that!)
* That I can handle the pain in a way that will be honoring to Him and get as much relief as He thinks I need.
* That my children will learn through this time also, and be closer to the Lord because of it.
* That the Lord will continue to provide the finances for the dr.'s visits and all the supplements and treatments I take on a daily basis. It's quite costly, yet He always takes care of every need and so much more than what He said He would do!
* Most of all, truly and sincerely, that the Lord will be honored through this and glorified. Please pray that He finds pleasure in my life and what He is allowing.
What are some of the blessings? As the title of my blog indicates, I am actively looking for and seeing more blessings every day than I could have imagined. It's amazing what we can see when we get our eyes off ourselves and focus on what God is doing in our lives and those around us!
* More time with Him.
* More time with my family. Since I'm not doing nearly what I was before, I have lots of time for the truly important things in life -- scratching a back, reading books aloud (again & again...), holding and cuddling the 3 precious treasures God has entrusted me with, getting to sit and watch them play -- not just keeping an eye on them as I run from one thing to the next. I have been concerned with how this was going to affect my children, but right now they are more sweet and quick to obey than they ever have been. They pray often and I revel in listening to them pray and getting to know their God. There's nothing quite like a child's faith!
*A closer bond with some of the ladies in our church. Although I haven't been able to be at church very often, "my" ladies have become even dearer to me. I have more time to pray for them and I know they're praying for me. They write such encouraging notes, have cleaned my home (this has been very difficult for me to have help with, but they have been gracious about it!), brought meals, run errands, babysat my children, got our groceries and so much more.
* Just one more for now -- Drawing closer to my husband. Next month we celebrate our 9th anniversary. I'll write more about him in the near future, but for now I'll tell you he has far exceeded my highest dreams in a husband. After the Lord, I've known no love like his, and I have been very loved in my life! He has patiently endured right with me no matter the test, and NEVER complains. All the things I have had to do or change lately he has done right with me. It's something "We get to do", he says, not just things I have to do myself.
I won't be writing books every day -- I promise, so please don't be scared to come back! I thank the Lord for each of you, your love, encouragement, and prayers.
Please let me know of anything I can be praying of for you. We all have burdens that we are carrying, some too personal to share. The Lord is faithful and I firmly believe that "...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16 I am enjoying using the prayer list on Amy's blog. If you have stopped by, please know that you have been prayed for!
Thanks for taking the time,
Sarah
